


You’re (not) Dead to me

by MagicalArt



Series: Supernatural Season 14 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s14e18 Absence, M/M, One Shot, Season/Series 14 Speculation, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Supernatural 14x18 promo, Supernatural 14x18 speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 08:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18384782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalArt/pseuds/MagicalArt
Summary: “You’re dead to me.”Dean regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.“You’re dead to me.”Cas thinks this feels the same as being stabbed in the chest with an angel blade.





	You’re (not) Dead to me

**Author's Note:**

> So...that promo for Supernatural’s next episode. I think you know what part I’m talking about.
> 
> Based on that I hope something along these lines happens. 
> 
> (Please bare with my writing I tried my best)

“You’re dead to me.”

Cas thinks this feels the same as being stabbed in the chest with an angel blade. 

He is still looking at Dean. At the anger in the hunter’s expression that’s directed at him. 

Because Castiel didn’t tell them his concerns about Jack, and now Mary Winchester’s burnt corpse is laying on the floor of an abandoned cottage.

The angel nods, accepting the words as much as they hurt. In this moment he wishes he still had his wings so he could fly away. He uses his legs instead. 

Castiel’s chest tightens, and a lump in his throat forms as he starts running down the driveway. He gets into his car.

This is my fault, he thinks as he engine rumbles to life.

The image of Mary’s burnt corpse won’t leave his mind. I failed them, his mind says as he pulls out onto the street.

Castiel drives without thinking until his attention is caught by a neon red sign. It didn’t take the angel long to see it. The region they’re in seems to have no shortage of motels.

He pays for the room. The woman at the front asks him if he’s okay. Castiel lies and says yes, like humans do.

When he’s finally alone in the room he takes out the amulet.

_______________________________________

“You’re dead to me.”

Dean regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth. Cas looks at him with the most pained expression. With hurt and guilt. He watches the angel nod.

Dean’s anger fades as soon as Cas leaves, and he knows he messed up. The hunter let’s out a shaky breath when he hears Cas start the car engine. 

Sam is silent beside him. They stand there until Dean hears him pull out and drive away. The noise fades.

“I’m gonna go sit in Baby,” Dean exclaims. He doesn’t say by himself but Sam hears the silent request. Dean leaves before his brother can respond.

_______________________________________

Castiel is sitting on a motel bed, clutching the amulet that’s supposed to help him communicate with his Father. He has been begging God to answer him for hours now to no avail.

When Castiel opens his eyes he is surprised to see his hands shiny and wet with tears.

Castiel never cries as an angel. Angels aren’t supposed to feel enough to do so. But Castiel’s grace has been depleting as of late due to heaven’s diminishing power. He supposes that must be why.

The guilt makes sense, and so does the pain. Jack lost control and killed Mary. The man he loves hates him. He failed his family.

His phone starts ringing, interrupting his thoughts. He looks over at the device, not surprised to see Dean’s name written across the screen. Castiel considers picking it up, but ultimately ignores the call. 

When Dean tries to call him again the angel silences the phone. Castiel doesn’t deserve Dean’s apology, and he doesn’t want to hear anything that will hurt him even more.

_______________________________________

Sam must have found some sheets in the abandoned cottage, because he’s now carrying their mom to the car wrapped in them. He quietly lays her across the back seat as Dean watches his brother through the rear view mirror.

The ride home is silent, and Dean is almost grateful for it. It means he won't be forced to lie about being okay when his brother asks, or get lectured about what he said back there. But the lack of noise only makes it impossible for Dean to ignore what he’d said to Cas. 

‘You’re dead to me.’

Dean can’t believe he said that. In the heat of the moment his anger, his grief, his worry took over. It caused him spew out the most vile thing he could think of, and directed at the one person who least deserved to hear it. Why the hell did he say that? Dean’s in love with him for fucks sake.

God, he is so damn stupid.

When they pull into the garage Dean runs straight to his room to call Cas.

He calls the angel three times before he decides that if Cas isn't going to pick up then Dean has to try something else.

The hunter hangs his head, closes his eyes, and starts praying.

_______________________________________

“Hey Cas.”

Cas should’ve known that Dean Winchester would pray to him if he didn’t pick up the phone.

“I get that you’re upset, but unless you want me to keep annoying you until you crack answer the phone.”

Cas rolls his eyes. Dean’s stubbornness knows no bounds. 

The phone starts ringing again and Cas picks up this time. He waits for Dean to speak.

“Cas?” Cas tries swallowing the lump in his throat before he responds.

“Yes, Dean.” His voice comes out a little shaky despite his best effort.

“About what I said-“ Cas cuts him off before he can say it.

“Dean, you don’t have to apologize-“ 

“Like hell I don’t!” 

“Dean-“

“Just shut up, okay?” Cas stops talking. 

“I didn’t mean what I said back there. You mean a lot to me, and I know I don’t show it enough..”

“I’m stupid and I’m sorry. And I’m not just saying that. I should never have said what I did to you. It was fucked up. No excuses,” Dean tells him, sounding sincere and ashamed.

“I deserved it, Dean. I failed you, all of you. I didn’t say anything. And now Mary’s dead..” Cas chokes.

“That isn’t your fault, Cas,” Dean tries to assure him. “You know Sam and me have done the same thing in the past. Hell, it was only a few weeks ago when I tried locking myself in that box without telling any of you.”

“That’s not the same.” Dean scoffs on the other end. Cas doesn’t even know why he’s trying. 

“Look, Cas, you can keep feeling guilty and beating yourself about this. Trust me, I get it. But in case you hadn’t noticed? We’ve all messed up before. Big time.”

“And right now it doesn’t matter what you should’ve or could’ve done or whose fault it is. What matters is that you, me, and Sam are alive...” Dean pauses. 

“We need you, Cas. We love you. Please...help us save our damn son,” Dean’s voice cracks with emotion.

Cas lets out a small gasp, surprised when he hears the vulnerability in Dean’s words. The hunter rarely lets himself be vulnerable. 

For Dean to have said they love him, that he loves him, even if it will never be the way Castiel loves Dean, is more than enough for the angel. And Dean’s right; they have to save Jack.

“Okay,” Cas states. “Let’s go save our son.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> (Now I’m just going to sit here nervously waiting for the next episode)


End file.
